Me, the New Jiu Jitsu Parent

So it was inevitable that I'd enroll my boy into jiu jitsu when given the chance. Why wouldn't I? First off, he was interested from the moment I took him along to see me roll for the first time. He was fascinated by my gis and enjoyed talking UFC with me. Secondly, there are tremendous benefits to having young ones train in the martial arts. It's all of the same ones we feel as adults but for the kids, it's a huge boost to self-worth to know that you can handle yourself against aggression. So naturally, I was going to enroll him as soon as my gym started a kids program (and truth be told, I considered switching gyms for a hot minute solely for this reason). So far, my boy (he's 8) has been training for roughly four months and I have learned a lot about being a jiu jitsu parent - and almost all of the knowledge has to do with me being a parent. So below are some of the thoughts and revelations I have had as a new jiu jitsu parent that I thought were worth sharing:

1. Your kid is more important than jiu jitsu. It's obvious, right? But trust me, it's easy to lose sight of this. I help coach the kids classes and there are times when I see my boy slacking, talking instead of drilling, making excuses when he doesn't execute something correctly and I sigh a long sigh of "man, why isn't he working harder?" And it's when he bows before leaving the mats and looks at me that I come to. Before I enrolled my boy in jiu jitsu, he could do nothing wrong. Obviously, there are times when he would fuck up, but we would course correct and move on. He could burn down the house and I would still love him tremendously. So when he is in class, I need to remind myself of this. What does it matter that he doesn't have the eye of the tiger (I don't either)? What does it matter that he can't keep top position (I can't either)? What does it matter that he can't successfully escape from someone's mount (how many times am I trapped)?
2. It's not about winning. So back in the day, my wife coached a soccer team at her school (she was a teacher at the time). And the principal was also a coach. Well, I went to one of their games and it was a disaster. The team was terrible and gave up a ridiculous number of goals. At halftime, the principal joyously presented the team with a platter of oranges and proclaimed that they were doing awesome, that "winning doesn't matter. What matters is that you're having fun." What? What a crock of shit? But ok working with the kids, especially my son, it couldn't be more true. Yes, when you're rolling with your partner, go for the win. Seek top position and retain it. If you are competing, yes, winning matters. Get the grips, go for the takedown and stay on top. But if all I emphasized was winning, I would miss out on all the other successes that my kid experiences: his first competition (he lost. I was proud of him for doing two matches and not quitting), when the best grappler in class could not take him down (after weeks of regularly executing beautiful osoto gari and single legs on him), him adjusting his speed and strength to work with smaller, younger teammates (showing immense maturity and sensitivity). No, he might never be Keenan Cornelius, but neither will I. 
3. If I reflect honestly, I realize I'm just hard on myself. When I'm frustrated by my boy during class, I realize it has nothing to do with him. It's about me. I'm holding him to a standard that I rarely meet myself. How often do I win? How often do I get trapped and can't escape? How often do I get distracted? How steep is the climb for me? Why is this any different for him? Because I'm on the outside looking at his mistakes. But it's not fair. He's working at his pace and has his own goals and takeaways for doing this. And the truth is,  a huge part of his interest is rooted in his love for me. Every time he puts the gi on, he's proud that he's doing the same activity that his dad is doing.

So I find myself reminding myself of all of this quite often. Let him be. Encourage him, support him. Celebrate his successes, all of them. And talk through his challenges when he needs it. Jiu jitsu has a lot to offer and help him connect the dots. But understand that it only works, it only makes sense if he is having fun, if he is enjoying what he's doing. And if he doesn't, then seriously consider taking a break or trying something else out. Remember how hard BJJ is. Be honest and think about all the times you get discouraged. 

Besides, I got a daughter and she's been chomping at the bit. Hehehehe...