To all my fellow practitioners who are able to achieve this dream, mazeltov! But it's not in the cards for me. My son has been training alongside me for almost two years and it's paid off in dividends. He's an eater and a gamer and if it weren't for the grappling gauntlet Coach puts him through 2-3 times a week, he'd be in terrible shape left to his own devices. But the Mrs. isn't game. The girl loves a good fight and has really terrific instincts (she's indulged me for several open mats) but she insists on the separation of church and state.
And then there's my little girl - a five year-old, fireball of sassy energy. In school, she has focus and attention issues, melting down when she's tasked with a challenging activity. At home, she loves tackling her older brother, landing a choke hold and demanding he tap out. And she loves the gym. Her bond with our head Coach is amazing and everyone knows and loves her. Thus my thinking to have her train with her brother, formally, as she'd learn that hard work and perseverance was the secret to success. She'd have an entire crew of coaches reinforcing that structure and discipline wasn't about control and power so much as it was about safety and communication. She'd learn that actions have consequences, that bullying is never a smart tactic to get what you want. And of course, she'd enjoy the companionship of her teammates. But after six or seven sessions, we are taking a break. Initially, she was excited by the prospect as she's watched numerous classes and has asked to train. She loved putting on her gi and joining the rest of the team on the mats (as were her new teammates who had gotten to know her over time). The first couple of classes were full-on disasters; she couldn't stay in line, she'd wander the perimeter of the mats when everyone else was warming up, she'd talk through instruction and would freeze up when sparring. "Give it time," I'd tell myself. After all, jiu jitsu is hard for everyone at the start, adults and kids alike. But weeks went by and instead of looking forward to going to the gym, she started hating it. I'd burn up so much energy trying to get her to do the most simple things like listening and standing in line. I also realized that she was stealing attention I could give to other kids in class. Embarrassingly, I started bribing her with junk food and video games to get her on the mats and even then, her interest would wane. It was after one of these trying sessions, when I realized that she wasn't enjoying any of what was on the mats and only doing it to appease me, that I sat her down after class and said that it might be best for everyone to call it quits... at least for now.
Here's the thing: jiu jitsu is good for you. I truly believe that. The benefits are undeniable. But unlike what many jiujiteiros spout, it's not for everyone. As much as I see the fire in her, as much as I think she'd take to this and that she could channel her aggressive energy into something like this - she just doesn't want to. And if she's not enjoying it, she'll grow to resent it and because it's totally connected to me, she'll end up resenting me. I'll be that sports dad -- the one that forces his kids to embrace the things he's into with no regard for his kids' individual interests or health. I don't want to be that. I want to champion my kids and help them realize their potential. On many occasions, I have told my son that he can quit when he's no longer having fun. Something as challenging as jiu jitsu is not worth it if your heart is not in it. Same goes for my girl. You want to play baseball, ride horses, climb ropes -- have at it. Just make sure it's something you enjoy doing and that it inspires you to get better at it. And when you're truly ready -- when you know what you're in for and you are game for the long journey ahead of you, Daddy will have a fresh gi ready.
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